Grateful for Tears
Day 79...today I am grateful for tears. I was wakeful all night (it did not help that my cats decided to take turns pouncing me). I am convinced they scheme their attacks..for some reason they enjoy taunting me and peacefully leave Jeremy to dream. Don't they know I keep their food stocked and litter box clean? Regardless of my furry visitors, I was restless and when the alarm went off, I tried everything to talk myself out of it..and by that I mean getting out of bed haha..
But like everyday, it is a gift. When I leave in the mornings, I tell Jeremy before heading off to work, "that today is a good day for a good day." It is probably a tad bit annoying at this point, and I think somedays I am trying to convince myself it is in fact a good day for a good day, but it works! It is all about mindset..being grateFULL instead of thankLESS.
Today I left earlier then usual, back in the fall I joined a Community Bible Study (CBS). When I started this class, I was new to the area and I was desperately looking for direction, I felt so lost in a foreign city. It's so interesting, looking back I had no idea God was preparing me, equipping me, and surrounding me with a group of women that would support me in a way I couldn't possibly imagine I would need as much I did. We are studying the book of Acts. I mean really?? Quite argueably one the most courageous, determined, bold men in the bible. Paul stood up for Jesus and justice. I love his story, he inpires me in a time when Jeremy and I choose not to give up and continue to fight for justice. This morning, we gathered around a table, shared brunch together one last time as a group. I left to go to work and cried all the way there.
I don't usually like selfies (I enjoy "Us-ies"), but I took this picture weeks ago.. I want to remember this moment. As a tear rolled down my cheek, I know I am fragile, I am weak. I am broken. I am in pain. These are tears of heartbreak and confusion. These tears are of gratitude and joy.
I am grateful for these women at CBS, they have impacted my life during a seriously painful time. There were days, I would leave class and find a Gas Gift Card or Wegmans Gift Card in my purse. They provided me a safe refuge when life felt like it was falling apart. Cindy, a true mentor to me, said in hard times it helps her to visualize climbing into God's lap and imagine His loving arms wrap around her. Yes! He is my comforter and peace during these times of uncertainty.
Tears are meant to be shared. Tears allow us see the humanness and compassion of one another. It has been a very emotional time. Crying has helped me heal, like my writing it has offered me release. There have been endless tears of gratitude for the people God has placed in my life just as I have needed them. Today at CBS I watched several friends' eyes fill with tears as they expressed how much the group meant to them. As we hugged goodbye, I looked into their eyes..it's so meaningful to see their tears..it is one of the truest connections. It made me feel connected, loved, not alone. I want to share my tears with you. I want you to know you are not alone in whatever battle you may be going through. When we feel weak, He is strong. When we feel broken, He fills the cracks with His love, and when we feel like crying, let the tears flow. #CloserToHim #WaterproofMascara